Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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