he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
