mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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