he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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