Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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