nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
