omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
