im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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