Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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