I skipped work to stalk him.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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