I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
