she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
