they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
