i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pants are for mortals
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
