How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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