I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
