My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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