I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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