Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
