I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
