I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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