Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
