I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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