True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
