i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
