You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
