I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
