I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
