he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
