For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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