Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
