the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
