She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
