what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
