i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
