i will never coherently bang her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
