Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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