I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
