last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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