I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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