I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
