Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
