I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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