meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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