i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
