you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this just has baby written all over it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's shark week go big or go home
i think i just lost a toe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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