Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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