I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize