Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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