Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
