just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
