Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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