I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
