Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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