Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
