at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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