Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
