worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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