my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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