is your mom at the bar?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
